The Folks say there has been hardly any coverage of Sanders' heart condition on MSDNC. I was able to get a transcript of a leaked recording over at MSNBC's executive suites:
SUIT #1: Bernie's in the hospital! I think he's getting a pacemaker!
SUIT #2: No, it's a stent.
SUIT #1: Oh. Interesting. Anyway, let's get the coverage going. Bernie's so old. This proves it. He's toast. Let's get Kamala Harris on the air to talk about Bernie and her campaign--
SUIT #3: I don't know about that. My father had a stent put in ten years ago. He's fine. It's like saying throw out your sink and replace your pipes because the pipes need a cleaning.
SUIT #1: No way. It can't be that simple. Can it? (Pauses) I was a business major. I never took college biology.
SUIT #2: Poli-sci.
SUIT #3: English.
SUIT #1: So that means we're all dopes.
SUIT #1: Hey, don't tell anyone! We make more than electro-physical cardiologists anyway. And a lot less studying....
SUIT #2: So are we covering this or not?
SUIT #3: I don't know. If we let any of our employees on the air now, they'll start into their attacks on Bernie again--and what if Bernie dies? We'll look like assholes to even our rich Democratic voter demographic. People turn quickly when someone dies.
SUIT #2: Oh boy. Now that would make my skin crawl, more than when I think of Bernie and his screaming about giving people free stuff.
SUIT #1: I know we're not supposed to speak ill of the dead--
SUIT #3: McCain. May he rest in peace. (Bows head). A warrior for peace and ethics.
(The three suits pause for silent moment in honor of St. John the McCain)
SUIT #1: I got it. We don't say anything. It's a win-win--
SUIT #2: How--
SUIT #1: Doncha see? This way, we won't have to remind our demographic of older viewers about Bernie's big fundraising haul the other day or how many individual donors he has--more than anyone, including Trump and every Democrat.
SUIT #2: But what are we gonna fill our time with? I know we can't cover workers' strikes. I think that's against corporate Standards & Practices--
SUIT #3: Hillary's got a new book!
SUIT #2 and SUIT #1: Thank God! Book her!
SUIT #2: (Presses button on office phone). Megan, call Maddow. Tell her to book Hillary. Hillary's got a new book. Wait. What? She did already? God. Thank God. Thank you. (Hangs up)
SUIT #2 Maddow never needs a memo. She's awesome.
SUIT #3: Well, I think we have a consensus, then. Nothing said on the air about Bernie one way or the other. We'll fill the time. Just repeat and rinse the same shit every hour. It's how we roll. Our oldest people forget anyway, and just let it drone on in the background anyway. It's like Soma.
(Quizzical looks from other suits)
SUIT #3: Huxley. Brave New World. Remember?
SUIT #1 and SUIT #2: Oh yeah. (Muttering.)
SUIT #2: Yes. Excellent idea. Nothing said one way or the other.
SUIT #1: Yeah, that's the best strategy here. No response at all. And ya know, Bernie might just die and we can then say what a great guy he was. So honest. So straight. Great for ratings. We can broadcast the funeral. You know, Republicans on Capitol Hill like Bernie as a person. They admire his guts.
SUIT #3: Don't get lost here. If he dies, it's only great because he's no longer a threat.
SUIT #2: Yeah, what was that line from Stalin again? "No man, no problem."
SUIT #3: I'm no Stalinist, but I think I first heard that line from a Board member at Comcast when they told us to drop Ed Schultz.
SUIT #1: Yeah, that line works for everyone.
The Suits laugh.
End of transcript.
