The great investigative journalist, Dan Moldea, had loved this FB post so much he said he thought it should be published in some magazine or journal. I am humbled by that, but I didn't feel comfortable having too widely read at the moment, and even now. But I am ready to let it be published and protected I guess here at Blogger, and more particularly the MFBTS. It sorta fills in some background of the very first post this morning in the Inaugural Day of MFBTS....:) This post was written around June 25. We left town several days later as we stayed in California till the end of the month.
I don't like to talk about my personal life on FB but thought it time to open up at this moment of a very eventful year in my life. It is not a farewell but it is a milestone in a personal way and so if people want to read about what's happened to us and is happening, here it is:
Tomorrow the movers arrive at our home in Poway, San Diego County, California. The family home was sold in April and we have been renting back through this month to allow Jackie and the Daughter, whose name is Shayna by the way, to finish their respective school years. This Wednesday, Jackie and I, and the family dog Zoey, begin our trek to Albuquerque, New Mexico to begin another phase in our lives. We have a heavy regret in leaving what I call the Greatest State in the Union, but we are excited about moving to the Land of Enchantment, which is New Mexico.
Almost three years ago, it hit me that our family's continuing yearly medical out of pocket costs, averaging at that point over $20,000 a year, and owing mostly to my continuing and increasingly losing battle with atrial fibrillation and tachycardia, were draining us of the ability to pay down a high priced California land/home mortgage. I knew by 2014 that by the year 2017, when I hopefully reached age 60, we would have to leave San Diego County and likely California (unless we wanted to live in Fresno or Stockton or some rural area) but at the same time try to find gainful employment as a lawyer. There was also the factor of what Jackie has often called a toxic environment of the job I was in, and a continuing frustration I have had in not being able to have the economic flexibility to pursue mediation as a career or an academic career (by going back to get a graduate degree in History or Literature).
So the research and planning began. We initially thought the answer for us was Portland, OR or somewhere in Washington State. We even took a trip there last year and, while deeply impressed, we found the home prices in Portland were only half of California's and would still require us to have relatively high paying jobs to hold a home mortgage, again owing to the fact we were not very far in paying down our CA mortgage due to medical expenses and our decision to pay for our children's higher education. We also found the traffic going into Portland from various directions to be surprisingly Los Angeles-like due to a refusal on the part of the electorate there to improve its access roads. Washington State outside of Seattle stuck Jackie as too provincial and Seattle itself home-price prohibitive for us.
Then, late last year, Albuquerque, NM came into view and multiple trips later in the early part of this year, we knew we found the right recipe for residency: Great climate, inexpensive home prices, a wonderful university nearby and a place culturally and politically resembling what I again call the Greatest State in the Union. We were also and continue to be awestruck by the friendliness of the various people we have met in Albuquerque and Rio Rancho, the latter town our actual destination--and this has made it very special and wonderful for us, even as we have no family ties there.
The Son and Daughter have each decided to stay in what I have long told them is Vacationland, i.e. San Diego, as the Daughter is continuing her college career while the Son is teaching at a truly elite SAT prep organization (he is I think the only non-PhD or Master Degree teacher there) and applying for graduate school in the Fall.
2017 has been a bittersweet year in many ways in our immediate family, but medically, it has been a miraculous one for me. After years of not being able to undergo a heart ablation procedure due to my internally strange anatomy and what was previously viewed as a "mess" inside me, owing to a DVT blood clot I suffered in the late 1980s, my Los Angeles based cardiologist sent me to the Cleveland Clinic owing to his friendship with the lead electrophysical cardiologist there. I went to Cleveland Clinic for testing in January and with new technologies, they were able to propose a mapping process to ablate the tachycardia and atrial fibrillation that were growing worse and worse, particularly since September 2016 when my Los Angeles doctor began to worry about my increased issues with those two electrical conditions. The scary part was the alternative that would have made me a candidate for a pacemaker that only those with very shortened lives receive, which involves removal of aortic valves.
In April, I returned to Cleveland and underwent the procedure, which has so far been a miraculous success. For the first time since the dawn of my 20s, I am in regular sinus rhythm and my skin tone as bright as a twenty something too (I am still on the multiple daily medications but the plan is to be off them all by the end of next month). It has been a wonderful experience to breathe normally and I did not realize how bad off physically, relatively speaking, I was--and frankly, most people including Jackie did not notice either as I guess I hid it well. After the ablation, I began jumping around to the point where Jackie was beginning to worry I was getting too young for her! But then, I got hit with gallstones at the start of May and had to have my gallbladder removed later that month. That threw me for a loop and has ironically led me to avoid my favorite foods of pizza and ice cream (electrical heart problems aside, I continue to be told by doctors that my physical heart and arteries are ridiculously strong and had no dietary restrictions till the gallstones finally hit) and the little paunch that was finally starting to show has gone away to a point where I am probably weight wise as thin as my mid 30s. The ice cream and pizza eating are supposed to return by the end of next month for me but I find I am doing fairly well with the limiting diet. So overall, my health is as strong as it was in my 20s and I am ready medically more than ever for this new chapter in our lives.
Jackie and I have each found employment in Albuquerque/Rio Rancho and again we are feeling blessed at being able to have the choice to move to a lovely place, climate- and people-wise. I still feel some rage at our nation's medical system that drained us of our savings but feel blessed and amazed at how the doctors and staff at Cleveland Clinic, a place which operates on principles of the British National Health Service (non-profit where everyone, including doctors are on salary and where doctors not hedge fund types make the economic decisions), saved my life. I could and should also rage at a system that led me to front the Son's higher education costs to keep him out of debt, but I do not regret that more discretionary decision in the least and we have part of our savings informally set aside to protect our daughter in this regard as well.
As we have gone through the tougher patches (physical, emotional and economic) of preparing our home for moving, and gone through the grief of leaving our families, Jackie and I have each said we are glad we are able to continue on our life journey together. We both find solace in the fact that we are married 30 years next month and still find each other our best friend and only lover. We admittedly look forward to being empty nesters in Albuquerque, with the family dog Zoey well in her Winter Years but still the loving, kind creature we rescued nearly twelve years ago.
Jackie and the children have also decided that I need to calm down my FB posts for, as the Daughter says, "Dad, you've said pretty much where you stand on politics, superhero films and music, haven't you?" Yes, that is probably true, I reply. And the Son and the Wife strongly nod in agreement with the Daughter's statement. I have said that as we now begin the last steps in our move, I will see if it is possible to curtail my FB activity. I crack up at those who say, "I'm leaving FB and I won't ever comment on anything again!" and of course within two weeks, little has changed. I have, however, made a promise and I will make the effort to not check the feed in the first place.
I was hoping there was going to be another change in our lives when a major film entity at the start of this month contacted my novel's hardcover publisher to see who owned the film/miniseries rights--and learned I do, with my second publisher of the paperback/Kindle version. They said they were going to contact us by this past Friday with a go or pass decision, but have not contacted us as of yet. Who knows how the wheels of film and miniseries work even in this new age of Amazon, Netflix, Hulu and the like? It is an honor to have heard the person from the entity say how much particular people there love my novel and that those persons have actually read the book all the way through (that seems to be a rarity in the so-called Hollywood circles from what I have read over the years). But still, I consider this development not much different than a lottery ticket. As they say, "Don't quit your day job..." Well, not for that reason, anyway...unless one is young, has no family responsibilities or the like, I suppose.
Overall, Jackie and I have realized we are living in the Nicholas Cage-Tea Leoni film, "The Family Man" or else "It's a Wonderful Life" and we move forward with a touch of wariness, some familial sadness, a declining rage at leaving the Greatest State in the Union, and a burning rage at our nation's economic and justice system--but with confidence and joy in our hearts. And for me, I mean "hearts" both physically and emotionally.
And then, about ten days or so later, as we were unpacking in New Mexico, I wrote this on FB:
Still unpacking books. But it is extraordinary to look at the wisdom and insight on the shelves of the new home in New Mexico. I was all set late last year to get rid of most of the books, either through selling or giving to libraries. The Wife, sensibly, said it was better to sell them or give them away than haul them across a couple of States and have to find room in a smaller home--and pay for poundage with the movers. I had learned from booksellers, and one collector in particular, that while the books were an unusual collection, and there were first editions and signed editions, it was not worth any more than a buck a book overall, so about $1,500. That is what convinced me to decide to lose the books for the move.
Then, something happened. Each of The Children came separately to The Wife and me and said, "Dad, please don't get rid of your books." As one of them said, "Dad, you are part of your books. When you die, it is part of what we will remember of you." The Wife and I looked at each other and smiled, and she said, "Okay, I guess we keep the books."
Still, as we unpack throughout the house, The Wife is beginning to wonder again, "Can't you prune more?" Before the move, I pruned about 300 of the books. And as we unpacked, I realized I could prune more and have thus far pruned about 30 more, not much, but a start.
And yet, as I sit typing on a computer here in the room we have designated as The Office Room, and scanning the books on the six bookshelves around the room, I am reminded of why I have held onto the books. The Vidal historical novels and essays, the Chomsky works, I.F. Stone and George Seldes books (all of them!), Upton Sinclair galore, every Michael Harrington, the Victor Serge works, writers from Kingsolver to Walter Mosley to William Kotzwinkle to Indianans Vonnegut and Tarkington, and of course dear Sinclair Lewis (all of the works of Lewis), Stephen Jay Gould and Feynman, most of the works of Hofstadter, some Commager, two of the three David Brion Davis works on slavery and Western culture, and Van Woodward, more Foners (plural), all the David Potters, EP Thompson works, more recent historians (including FB pal Ben Alpers), sociologists Jencks, Riesman, William Julius Williams, environmentalist works from Bernard DeVoto to Robert Marshall and Aldo Leopold, Native American works, African-American history (which surprised one of the two African-American mover guys as I marked subjects of book boxes), women's histories and separately several books of one of my favorite historians without pedigree, Catherine Drinker Bowen, legal histories and bios including a book from 100 years ago about Lincoln as a lawyer that remains vibrant and brilliant, sports histories and bios, and on and on. And in another room, much more fiction from the classics of Dickens, Trollope, and of course Hardy, to Maugham, Greene, Ignazio Silone and up through Isabel Allende, Vikram Seth and Michael Connelly. And back to The Office Room, more eclectic historians and writers than one may usually imagine and other FB friends including Dan Moldea and Myra MacPherson.
And yet, still left packed are all the Doonesbury books, the Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers, Bloom County, books on China, Vietnam, Russia, more journalist books, and further Judaica, though there is already a row for Jewish authors writing fiction on the subjects Jewish, Israeli, Zionist and the like, and the magisterial bio of FDR by the now felon financier and business maven, Conrad Black, and more world and American history, though lots already are on the shelves. The Son has "stolen" the Calvin & Hobbes and Far Sides, though, and they remain in the Greatest State in the Union (I should add there is an entire row for books on the Greatest State in the Union, including nearly all of the late Kevin Starr's works).
Some find it an insult to ask, Did you read all of the books on your shelves? I am fine with the question, perhaps because I've read about 75% or so of the books on the shelves. I hope that does not sound arrogant. It is simply a fact. Maybe it is why I so admire the handyman who came by yesterday as he knows how to do stuff that I cannot and as I told him, I barely know the difference between a wrench and screwdriver (not really true, I added, but it may as well be true). He was astounded by all the books in the house but I said we all learn in different ways. And many of us gain insight as we go along, some more than others of course.
These were my thoughts as I was getting ready to attend the Sinclair Lewis Conference in Sauk Centre, Minnesota, something I've long wanted to do, so I took some moments to write about the books on the shelves.
POSTSCRIPT: All books unpacked by the end of July. Hooray!
